Bang! Bang! You Shot Me To The Ground

Um. I think I'm going to die of embarrassment. Well, I went over to this football (soccer) website and, like the hormonal-barely-out-of-her-teens-girl that I am, started looking at pictures of shirtless soccer players out of boredom/just because I wanted to. Oh, did I mention? I'm in Campus Center. Not on my computer.

So therefore, what I just did in the previous paragraph is looked down upon. (Oh, if anybody's wondering, this is what I was looking at. And don't look at me like that! He's very yummy, okay.)

Anyway, the whole point of this entry was to say that my pre-departure drama has commenced again.

Last year, it was all about a certain male who had his own issues about me leaving, which was psychologically draining, and distracted me more than I needed to be. This year, it's... everybody else who didn't have a crack at me last time, taking turns and hitting me where it hurts.

A "good friend" of mine has accused me of being self-absorbed. I honestly don't know, it may be true, but when she asks me what's going on in my life, I tell her "I'm preparing to study in France". Does that make me self-absorbed? We're trying to work it out. I'm not going to dump years of friendship over this, unless she wants to, then why bother trying, really?

Another friend, who I've been friends with since I was eleven, is dealing with a bunch of romantic relationship whatever stuff and, like I have been since the age of eleven, I've been there for her. We had a bit of a drifting apart after graduating high school but reconnected right before I left for Spain. Anyway, back to her "relationship stuff", she has serious trust issues, and she's pining for this guy who's on a missionary trip for two years (he's been gone almost a year now, I believe) when they were never in a serious relationship or in a relationship to begin with.

And now she's dumping on me for leaving her. What? Last time I checked, she and I were not in a relationship. She knows how much this means to me and she has to whine whine whine about her not-boyfriend and about me leaving her. She wants me to give this up so she doesn't have to be alone before he comes back. What?!

I just don't get it. Yes, I am aware that I am whining writing this, but this needs to be put here, because it relates to my studies.

I want people to be happy for me that I'm going so that when I'm over there, I can look forward to coming back. Like last time. But the euphoria I felt coming home wore off after like a week and I'm scared it'll happen again.

All of this makes me want to leave so badly. I want to leave tomorrow. Let me buy my one way ticket and I'll live in Paris penniless. Okay, not really, but I really feel that anywhere? Better than here right now.

And Even With Broken Wings, Sometimes You Find Your Way To Fly

I got the e-mail! I got accepted for Paris next semester!!!!!

I'll be definitely seeing Orly there in January! I'm so excited.

Now I have to go through the bureaucratic mess again. Wow.

YES. YES.

OUI! OUI!